Does anyone know anything about psychogenic vomiting?
I was diagnosed with it, and have been living with it for over half a year…
Every day, multiple times a day, I am rapidly flooded with nausea. I usually end up having to vomit, but I try to hold it back every time. It comes without warning, and is not necessarily tied to eating.
I am tired of throwing up every day.
Tired of spending my only money on food that I usually lose within 10 minutes.
Tired of knowing that I should be hungry, but feeling so unsettled that I have no appetite and can’t even eat.
I hate how my teeth are starting to turn yellow.
I hate leaving in the middle of a conversation to run to a toilet.
I hate that I have started to hide how often I ‘get sick’ from my boyfriend and closest friends because I am tired of seeing it affect them negatively.
I hate that I haven’t even told my parents about it because I am afraid to give them anything more to worry about.
I hate that I went to the doctor time and time again, getting questioned and examined and giving them sample after sample of my blood, piss and shit, only to find nothing wrong with my body. No parasites, infections, imbalances, diseases… Just an overwhelming urge to relieve myself by vomiting everything out that haunts my every hour.
They gave me medicine for cancer patients an pregnant women because they don’t fucking know what is wrong with me.
They tell me it must be in my head, but I don’t know what that means.
It’s not bulimia, I can’t just coax myself out of a delusion. I don’t want this, I never did, I only want it to stop.
I guess it’s related to my anxiety and stress, but that relationship seems to be self-perpetuating. I suffer increased anxiety due to vomiting, it makes me feel helpless and honestly just really fucking sad and angry. That increased anxiety induces more nausea. More anxiety, more nausea, more anxiety.
I want help. Please.
What should I do? What can I do?
— Junot Diaz (via cosmicspread)
— 2 am thoughts (via brokenboob)